Being in love with someone is such a beautiful thing. As humans, we were made to fall in love. It is in our genetics, and it is in our kind. Being in love is the most exhilarating, passionate feeling in the world, but everybody tells you “It doesn’t last.” “It’s a temporary euphoria that will last for two years or less.” etc….
I don’t believe this though. When I imagine Chris and myself for the next 60 years of our marriage, I like to think that we will never get bored or sick of cuddling while watching Netflix, or that we will never grow tired of cozying up in bed before we go to work in the morning. It makes me sad when people tell me that the “IN LOVE” stage never lasts. But you know what, I don’t believe them. And maybe that high dosage of Dopamine you feel when you get a text from your loved one or when they kiss you on the cheek won’t excite you as much as it did after a few years of being married, I believe you can still fully stay in love with each other as a couple, and you can make that love GROW immensely.
I have recently been reading the “5 Love Languages” Book. And man oh man is it SO GOOD! As I read it, I can just see everything that I am doing wrong and everything I need to correct to better the love in my marriage! And yes, I have not been married too long and Chris and I are so great but why not read a book that will do nothing but better your marriage right now and in the future?!
This book explains the 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Service, Gifts, and Touch. It talks of many different situations of married couples who slowly start to fall out of love after time not because they don’t love each other, IT IS BECAUSE THEY DON’T SPEAK THE SAME LOVE LANGUAGE! And that is the key you guys! If you do not have the same love language as your loved one, it is not a bad thing! You just need to learn to speak their language!
For example, my love language is Quality Time. Quality time means giving someone your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. So if Chris and I get home from work and watch TV until we have to go to bed, I would not feel a full love tank for the day! It would not be full because I would not feel that we would have had enough quality time. Chris on the other hand may think that it was completely full though because we spent all of our time together that day watching TV. But the problem is, Quality Time means “UNDIVIDED ATTENTION” which does not include Netflix. It is important to recognize this, and COMMUNICATE IT.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
This has happened with Chris and me before and after reading this book, I was able to recognize this and tell Chris! Now instead of only watching TV after we get home for the day, we have incorporated many other activities into our lives that has helped our love grow so much for each other (after only a few months of marriage, I am so surprised how much more “IN LOVE” with Chris I am becoming.
Here is another example from CHRIS’s perspective… Chris’s love language is ACTS OF SERVICE (which we have slowly learned these past few months– that’s right! You may not know what your real love language is after a while!).
Sometimes, Chris would get home from work to a completely dirty house. There would be clothes all over our living room, as well as our bedroom, AND a sink full of dishes. He would be frustrated and disappointed that even though I had the time to clean the house before he had gotten home, I had chosen not to. I didn’t understand why he wanted me to play the “Mom” role so early into our marriage and frankly, it didn’t make me too happy at the expectations he had for me.
After reading this book though, I see why he would be frustrated that I wouldn’t do that for him. His love language is service! It’s not like he is only happy and feels love when I do serve him, he will also feel hate, and sadness when I don’t do service acts for him. Because of this, I have made a way bigger effort to tidy up the house before he comes home because I know how much it will mean to him. Sure enough, whenever I do this for him, he will come inside, beaming and pick me up and kiss me telling me how much he loves me. It doesn’t only make him so happy, it makes me so happy.
When you choose to speak each other’s love language, both of your love for each other will extremely grow.
If you don’t know how to speak your loved one’s love language, here are a few different ideas I got from the book to incorporate into your own relationship.
If your loved one’s love language is:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
- Set a goal to give your loved one a different compliment each day for a month. Make sure not to duplicate them though!
- Write a love letter to your loved one! Extra points because then they can reread it!!
- Compliment your loved one in the presence of their friends, parents or kids.
- Go on a walk together– WITHOUT PHONES. It will allow you to give each other your full, undivided attention. (This is one of my favorite things to do with Chris!)
- Go on a picnic.
- Plan a weekend getaway! Just the two of you.
ACTS OF SERVICE:
- Ask your loved one to make a list of ten things he or she would like for you to do during the next month. Have them prioritize them as well! Use this list to plan your month of love.
- Ask your love one periodically “If I could do one act of service for you this week, what would it be?” Then surprise them, and do it!
- Have you ever done something for your husband/ boyfriend that they were so happy about? Take note of the things they really appreciate it so you can do those things more for them!
- Give your loved one a gift everyday for one week. They can be handmade as well!
- Give a living gift. Plant a tree or a flower shrub in your yard. Nurture and water it. You’ll get rewarded for this gift year after year.
- Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook.” Anytime you hear your loved one say “I like that” or “I’d love to get one of those”, write it down. This will give you many ideas whenever you are in search for a gift to give.
- Hold their hand while crossing the street.
- When family or friends are visiting, be sure to show public affection to your loved one. (not over the top, but hold their hand, hug them or steal a kiss!)
- Give them a foot massage. And don’t wait to be asked for it either! 😉
I promise if you choose to RECOGNIZE your loved one’s love language, and you CHOOSE to speak their love language, your love for each other will grow. You will stay in that “IN LOVE” stage throughout your entire marriage. I have known Chris for almost 2 years and I feel SO much more in love with him now than when I first fell in love with him. This is real. This SERIOUSLY works. If you have not read “The 5 Love Languages” yet, you need to go read it! It is a quick read, and it is seriously amazing!
Thanks so much for reading and tell me what you guys think!!